finally!

Over the past few years, I've mostly used this blog to share (perhaps vent is a better word) thoughts on my career. I've been working in the market research industry for about three years now. During that time, I've mostly felt like my job was a waste of time... other than the part where they give me a paycheck twice a month. As my past posts indicate, I've swayed from pretty severe disenchantment to resignation masked as contentment.

Almost as long as I've been in my current job, I've been looking for a new job that would allow me to do something I felt passionate about. Donnice (my wife) knew I wasn't happy, so she did a bit of searching too. She found one job listing that sounded just too perfect to be real. It was an energy efficiency consultant position that required project management and marketing experience. So, about two years ago, I applied for a job at Geavista Group. At that time, it was just two people and they were looking for a couple consultants to join their team. I had a phone interview, and it went well, but they decided to go with people who had a bit more relevant work experience.

I contacted them about a year later (May 2009) to see if they had any new positions available. They said that my timing was perfect, because they were looking to hire. I came in for two interviews, and it all went quite well. They said I'd be a great fit, but they decided not to hire anyone at the time. I kept in touch, and in March they called to invite me for another interview. They were ready to hire this time, and I was more than ready to take the job.

So, in early May, I'll be leaving my job at e-Rewards for a new career at Geavista. It's a completely new industry for me, and I don't really know what to expect, but I couldn't be more excited.

A free and responsible search for truth and meaning

Today, my church (well, not technically my church - I'm not yet a member - but the church I've been attending) voted unanimously to ask Aaron White to be our new minister. Aaron White went to Austin College at the same time I did, and he is the person who introduced me to Unitarian Universalism. Naturally, it's made me feel a bit reflective, so I'm broaching a subject I've never discussed in my blog: my "spiritual journey" (stop reading now if that's not something you care to hear about).

Most of the people who read this probably know that I used to be a Southern Baptist. In 9th grade, I said "the prayer" and "gave my life to Christ" (I'll try and get the quotes under control, but a lot of this just doesn't feel like my words). I went to church and youth group every Sunday and went back again for youth group on Wednesdays. At one point, I even participated in a door-to-door evangelism program. (For the record, I still have great respect for the minister of that church; the youth program at the time, however, was somewhat cult-like).

That same year, I also became good friends with a girl named Palak; she was Hindu, and she was going to Hell. I also became friends with Lauren; she was a Unitarian, so she was definitely going to Hell (she was also pro-choice and believed in evolution!). The next year I spent a semester in Australia, where I made a lot of friends who were agnostic or atheist; sadly, they too were going to Hell. These were all very nice people, and I was sad to know that they'd go to Hell if I didn't convince them to "accept Christ" before they died. Eventually, though, I came to realize that somebody cool enough to give his life up to offer the world a chance at redemption probably woudln't send everybody who didn't call him God to Hell.

That caused some problems in my high school mind. My youth group had taught me a reading of the Bible that didn't leave much room for interpretation. I was in something of a tailspin until Donnice introduced me to the Presbyterian church in my senior year of high school. They offered many of the beliefs and traditions with which I'd become comfortable... but without the troubling "all your friends are going to Hell" aspect.

The next transition was more gradual and, hence, is harder to describe. In college, I was introduced to a fact that I would have considered blasphomous a few years before: the Bible was written by men. Not only was it written by men; it was passed down to us by religous institutions that made some important editing decisions along the way. On some levels, that made it easier for me to understand certain passages. At the same time, though, it put me at odds with large portions of the Christian population who would grab certain Biblical verses and treat them as the "Word of God." Eventually, I began to question why the Christian faith puts so much stock into a book with such a "complicated" history. It wasn't a "my friends aren't going to Hell" rift, just a seed on unease.

In the end, it was one of those select verses that drove a wedge between me and the Christian church. It was about the dominant Christian perspective on homosexuality (I emphasize "dominant," because I know that there are Christians who do not cling to the hatefulness adopted by so many). When you think about, the message that so many cling to is really quite contrary to Jesus's message, but I won't dwell on that. The fact that so many Christians could so openly discriminate against people over an aspect of their biology (something completely out of their control) put me over the edge.

I was still working these problems out in my head when Aaron White held a meeting in the Wright Campus Center to tell students about Unitarian Universalism. He introduced me to the seven UU principles:

• The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
• Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
• Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
• A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
• The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
• The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
• Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

This sounded more like something I could buy into. I visited Aaron's church once, and I liked it. I felt comfortable there, and I liked their philosophy. But I was still pretty wrapped up in the Presbyterian church (partially because it was AC and most of my friends were Presbys, and partially because the Presbyterain church was still very important to Donnice).

The summer after we graduated, Donnice and I got married and moved to Cincinnati for graduate school. (Although Donnice and I were married in a Presbyterian chruch, we asked the minister to change the words of her service to eliminate any discriminatory implications.) In Cincinnati, we visited a couple Unitarian churches but never really found a home. When we came back to Dallas, we visited First Unitarian several times (very sporadically). Eventually (in the fall of 2008), we joined the Sanctuary Choir. Over the past 8 or 9 months, I've really begun to feel at home there. For the first time in over 10 years, I feel like church is an important part of my life.

I still don't have my entire belief structure figured out, but I've learned a lot. And, I trust this church to help me as I attempt to figure out the rest. I know I won't get prescribed dogma or easy answers, but if there's one thing I learned from the Baptists, it's that the "easy answers" aren't always as easy as they appear (what's easy about all your friends going to Hell?).

So, congratulations to Aaron White, a person who's already had a pretty siginificant impact on my "spiritual journey" and who I'm sure we'll continue to impact and challenge me for years to come.

One other milestone worth mentioning: I'll be joining First Church officially next Sunday.

enough with the psychoanalysis

My last few blog posts have been rather self-indulgent musings that few (if any) other people probably care about. This time I'm not going to speculate about the long-term direction of my life. This time I just want to write about a few things that have made me happy recently:

• the new Decemberists album - I am completely obsessed, and if you haven't heard it you need to listen to it (several times, beginning to end)
  
• Donna's class at Dragon Fire Yoga - it's the perfect mix of workout and relaxation
• choir (especially the Motet Choir) - it's good to be singing again
• our house - the view outside our front window, the new tree, the new herb garden
• nice spring weather... especially when combined with my bike

Well, I kept the promise of not speculating about the long-term direction of my life, but I may have overdone it with the sunshine and happiness. If I'm going to get back in the habit of blogging, I'm going to need to work on balance.

and back again

Well, that didn't last long. I had been getting quite comfortable in my position despite the lack of growth opportunity. Recent events, however, have woken me up a bit. We recently went through a big reorganization. I am still on the same team (end clients), but under new management. We also had a round of layoffs that cut 20% of my department. Ironically, though, it's not fear of losing my job that got me feeling restless again; all the shifting just got me thinking more about my career. I haven't been thinking about being suddenly without a job but about being five years older and still in the same job.

As I mentioned in my last post, my job has become more interesting. I've had the opportunity to become more of a partner with my clients, as I offer additional assistance to people without a lot of research experience. And, after speaking with my new supervisor, I think it's quite possible that my job will become even more interesting over the next year. I've been hoping for the last two years that this job would become more interesting, and, now that it is, I'm realizing that the position only has so much potential.

As much as I enjoy the type of thinking that research requires, I don't feel useful. I have received a lot praise from clients and supervisors, but I don't know what it all amounts to. I think about the things that are important to me, and I realize that I am doing very little (in my career) to promote them.

To be perfectly honest, I still don't know what the answer is. I very seriously considered going to law school last year (I'd probably be there now if Lewis & Clark had sent their scholarship offer a few weeks earlier), and the thought has remained in the back of my mind ever since. Law school, however, is a big change and a big commitment, and I can't be sure that I'm not just idealizing the concept in my head. So, right now, I'm just trying to clarify my goals, which I think are fairly simple:

• I want to be intellectually challenged by my job.
• I want to know I'm doing something useful (most likely something related to environmental sustainability)

Knowing what I want is a good starting place. I don't yet know what comes next.

Cotentment

When I last posted here (about 9 months ago), I wrote an entry full of discontent. I'm obviously not that great at keeping this thing up to date, but I thought it was at least worthwhile to follow up that entry with something more upbeat.

The last entry was mostly about my job, so I'll start there. When I took this job (more than a year and a half ago), I didn't think I'd stay long. I was unemployed and couldn't be choosy, but I just didn't think the job would keep me interested for long. Since then, however, my position has evolved to become much more interesting. I won't get into the details of how the job changed, since most of you probably aren't interested, but I think it's worth mentioning that (contrary to my expectation) I've been getting more and more satisfied with my job as time goes on.

Realizing that we'd be here a while, Donnice and I bought a house in October. It's been an interesting experience. As with any move into a new place, it didn't really feel like ours right away. Then, while we were out of town for Thanksgiving, our home was broken into. They didn't take a lot, but they got a couple big items: our laptop and Donnice's car. We also had to replace the door, which they had broken. I don't know if it was the break-in, the changes we've made to the house since then, or just the amount of time we've been there, but it definitely feels like ours now.

I've often heard warnings against contentment. I think I probably even believed that contentment was the enemy of a meaningful life. But I've always had a restless nature, and I'm not sure where that really got me. At least contentment feels nice.

what to do?

I've really been neglecting my poor blog lately. Since the last time I updated, I've decided to go to law school, received acceptance offers from several schools (and a really big scholarship offer from one), and decided not to go back to school (at least not yet). I took a holiday vacation in Costa Rica and a road trip to California. I was a groomsman in the wedding of one of my very best friends and was asked to be a groomsman for my future brother-in-law (the wedding is in two weeks) and for another very close friend (the wedding is still more than a year away). But since the title of this blog is idealist for sale and the seemingly ever-present conflict in my life is the one between my ideals and my job, I'm going to focus on my recent career path considerations.

I've been with my company for almost a year now, and I'm really pretty happy here. The people are great, and it's exciting to be working for such a fast-growing company. I helped get the company to start recycling, and I convinced them to get ceramic coffee mugs for everyone, so that we could stop throwing away so many styrofoam cups (they're also looking into buying better disposable cups). But despite all this, I have trouble feeling satisfied by a career in market research. I want to do something more altruistic.

That's why I applied to law school. I applied to schools with the best environmental law programs (the #2 school for environmental law actually offered me an annual scholarship of $19,000), but as the time came to make my decision, I realized that I still didn't know for certain that it was the right move. I had also been giving a lot of consideration to entering a program in urban planning, and since I've already got two graduate degrees, I need to be certain I know what I'm doing before I enroll again.

In the midst of all this thought about going back to school, I decided that I should also give some thought to seeing what I can do with the education I've already got. I was considering going back to school, not because I hate marketing (I actually find it fascinating), but because I had not found a career that connects my marketing knowledge to my passion for environmental issues. After thinking this through, I realized that those opportunities must exist. This country is quickly growing more aware of environmental issues, and even the business world is starting to catch on.

So, my sincere hope at this point is that I can find a worthwhile career without starting over. I know that my skills in marketing, market research, and writing can be put to good use... now, I just need to find the right match.

Isn't it obvious?

Leppert and Co. are spewing deception like a fountain in an effort to confuse voters before the Nov. 6 election. They're making up numbers left and right, based not on evidence or research but on what they think will scare voters away from making the right choice about Proposition 1. And, if you start playing the numbers game, it gets really confusing, largely because most of the numbers have been made up by the "Vote No" group. There is, however, a simpler way to look at the issue. Forget about the numbers. We approved the Trinity River Project and the Trinity River Parkway. Leppert has no right to say that the projects are in jeopardy if we don't replace the parkway with a tollway... especially if he has to make up numbers to do it.

There are, however, other issues worth discussing that leave less room for "interpretation," like the impact of the road.

Take a look at this picture to the left. This picture was used to get Dallas voters to approve the Trinity River Project back in 1998. Imagine sitting on the edge of this lake near sunset. The city is behind you, and you're looking out over the lake, which seems to be glowing pink and orange as it reflects the hue of the clouds. Maybe you've even got a picnic or a good book with you. Now imagine, that there's a high-speed tollway right behind you. There's a constant hum of traffic, and you can smell the fumes of the diesel engines. The "Vote No" campaign would have you believe that this is the only way the park could exist. But I think it's pretty obvious that no park should have a tollway running through it.

The tollway's impact on the park which will spread beyond the 45 acres of parkland that it physically occupies is only one aspect of the tollway's negative effect. It may also seriously compromise the floodway. A similar road has never been approved anywhere in the country, but Leppert & Co. don't mind making Dallas the guinea pig.


Please don't be pushed around and deceived by Dallas's corrupt leadership. The petition was a remarkable step for this city, but it won't do any good unless we Vote Yes!

restlessness

As most of you know, I'm an activist at heart. I call this blog "idealist for sale" because I've somehow found myself caught up in the corporate world doing things that just don't match up with my beliefs. It's not that I'm doing bad things. Now that I'm working in market research instead of advertising, I can at least sleep at night without worrying that I'm somehow contributing to the deterioration of our society. But I'm certainly not doing much for it.

When I was between jobs, I did my best to find a position that I could really feel good about. I couldn't get a great position at a non-profit since I didn't have any non-profit experience. But my education and my time at The Richards Group could make me a real asset in the marketing department of a progressive company. Unfortunately, there's not a lot of options at Dallas, and I didn't really have time to wait around. So, now I'm in market research... It's not as bad as advertising, but it's certainly nothing great. It's a good work environment, and I'm making a lot more money, but I'm not making the world a better place.

I've been trying to make the most of it. I went to a protest outside the Exxon shareholders meeting, and I've been to a couple anti-war rallies, but I don't know how much of a difference it makes. I want to know that my contribution is creating positive change, and I just don't feel like I've found anything that does.

It was The 11th Hour that revived this part of me. It was a great film, and everyone should see it. The part that struck me the most was the stuff contributed by Thom Hartmann, author of The Last Hours of Ancient Sunlight. And, it's actually a concern unrelated to global warming. He points out that throughout history (up until the industrial revolution), people always got by with current sunlight. They got all the food and energy they needed from the sun above them. Only recently (in the historical since of the word) have we started relying on ancient sunlight (fossil fuels). The problem with relying on ancient sunlight is that we'll run out. The world, however, can only sustain a fraction of the current population once that ancient sunlight runs out. Unfortunately, we take the ancient sunlight for granted. No one wants to admit how soon we'll run out. It's going to happen during our lifetime... certainly during the lives of our children. As long as we deny the fact that we're going to run out, we waste time that should be spent preparing for a future without fossil fuels.

I can't stand that the entire world is just moving forward oblivious to this fact. We drink water bottled in plastic and shipped for thousands of miles. We eat ridiculous amounts of beef, the most resource-inefficient food available. We live out in the suburbs and commute 30 miles to and from work each day. We drive huge vehicles that consume far more gasoline than is really necessary for our transportation. We choose to get coal-powered energy instead of easily available and competitively prices green alternatives.

I'm not asking for people to make radical changes to their lives... just to wake up and think about these things. Do you really need to get a new bottle of water each time you empty yours, or can you refill it with filtered tap water? If you're having trouble deciding between beef and chicken, get the chicken (or better yet the vegetarian option). Switch to Green Mountain; it takes no effort.

The problem with my current job is not that it makes a worse impact on the world than any other company. The problem is that it's just like every other company: oblivious. I want to start making a difference.I want to make people think about these things. And, if I can't get people to think about these things, I want to tax the hell out of them.