enough with the psychoanalysis

My last few blog posts have been rather self-indulgent musings that few (if any) other people probably care about. This time I'm not going to speculate about the long-term direction of my life. This time I just want to write about a few things that have made me happy recently:

• the new Decemberists album - I am completely obsessed, and if you haven't heard it you need to listen to it (several times, beginning to end)
  
• Donna's class at Dragon Fire Yoga - it's the perfect mix of workout and relaxation
• choir (especially the Motet Choir) - it's good to be singing again
• our house - the view outside our front window, the new tree, the new herb garden
• nice spring weather... especially when combined with my bike

Well, I kept the promise of not speculating about the long-term direction of my life, but I may have overdone it with the sunshine and happiness. If I'm going to get back in the habit of blogging, I'm going to need to work on balance.

and back again

Well, that didn't last long. I had been getting quite comfortable in my position despite the lack of growth opportunity. Recent events, however, have woken me up a bit. We recently went through a big reorganization. I am still on the same team (end clients), but under new management. We also had a round of layoffs that cut 20% of my department. Ironically, though, it's not fear of losing my job that got me feeling restless again; all the shifting just got me thinking more about my career. I haven't been thinking about being suddenly without a job but about being five years older and still in the same job.

As I mentioned in my last post, my job has become more interesting. I've had the opportunity to become more of a partner with my clients, as I offer additional assistance to people without a lot of research experience. And, after speaking with my new supervisor, I think it's quite possible that my job will become even more interesting over the next year. I've been hoping for the last two years that this job would become more interesting, and, now that it is, I'm realizing that the position only has so much potential.

As much as I enjoy the type of thinking that research requires, I don't feel useful. I have received a lot praise from clients and supervisors, but I don't know what it all amounts to. I think about the things that are important to me, and I realize that I am doing very little (in my career) to promote them.

To be perfectly honest, I still don't know what the answer is. I very seriously considered going to law school last year (I'd probably be there now if Lewis & Clark had sent their scholarship offer a few weeks earlier), and the thought has remained in the back of my mind ever since. Law school, however, is a big change and a big commitment, and I can't be sure that I'm not just idealizing the concept in my head. So, right now, I'm just trying to clarify my goals, which I think are fairly simple:

• I want to be intellectually challenged by my job.
• I want to know I'm doing something useful (most likely something related to environmental sustainability)

Knowing what I want is a good starting place. I don't yet know what comes next.